contemplation.

Sometimes I have what I don't need.
Sometimes I need what I don't have.
[the more I read those statements over, the more I am reminded of this song]

I feel like life might be one big mind game. A game where everyone loses and no one wins. This seems a little bitter, but I'm certain it is real. Every moral victory I've had has come at a price. Is it really 'winning' if someone somewhere is hurting?

My heart gets thrown in the mix like any other. With my head pulled one way and my body another, the contemplation begins.


Weighing consequences is somewhat of a sport for me:
            Do I fight for right now or plan for the future?
            Do I follow my head or my heart?

Right now I wish to seek happiness. In the long run I hope to avoid pain. My head tells me it has heard this all before. My heart claims it will be different this time. I am sceptical. I am holding my breath. I close my eyes. I am jumping, a leap of faith, and I am falling.