what if.

I take it back, take it all back
what a waste of time.
You took my hand and filled my heart
with your disease.

Everything in life is an experience. Some things are good, and some things are bad. We learn from everything that we do. I know this, and I know I've grown, but I can't help wondering if my time has been wasted.

So many times I have invested myself into people, into ideas, into anything and felt short-changed. If not for my experiences, I wouldn't be who I am today. I can't help wondering who I would be.

What if he didn't break my heart?
          What if I was strong enough to leave?
                    What if I put my needs first?
                              What if everything worked itself out?

It's this what-if thinking that clouds my brain, the what-if thinking that opens my eyes and screams at me "STOP" as I jump in.

What if this was exactly what I needed and all of my dreams came true?
I am jumping, a leap of faith, and I am falling.