baggage.

"Life's too short babe, and time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine..."
(taken from the musical RENT, particularly here at 5:50)

I feel like I'm attached to people in a way that others might not experience. I feel that I develop a relationship with every person I meet. Not necessarily deep relationships, but a connection nonetheless. And as people walk in and out of my life, those relationships- those connections- they give and take and change pieces of me.

I gave my confidence to my ex boyfriend. I would rather say he took it from me, but years later I realize the role I had in the diminishing of my now beaming self worth. We were together for years and when he left me, I felt he took a piece of me away.

I was angry and I carried this baggage with me. I carried it for days, for weeks, for months, for years. I’m still angry. I feel like he wasted my time. I feel like I wasted my self.

A more recent break up showed me how full of baggage I really am. I decided to do some ‘spring cleaning.’ It may not be spring, but my mind and my heart are cluttered by this nonsense. Screw baggage. I am myself. I am plenty good enough at anything that matters to me. I am worthy. I am awesome. I don’t need this baggage.

I purged my negative thoughts. I purged my negative self worth. I emerged with confidence. I feel lighter, emotionally. Somehow this lightness has transferred to my physical being. I feel I walk lighter without these thoughts and emotions weighing me down.

I am embracing this fresh start. I am equipped with smaller, empty, matching luggage. I will fill my new ‘baggage’ with positivity and amazement. I will embrace new relationships with realistic expectations and open-mindedness. I am lighter, I am flying. I am jumping, a leap of faith, and I am falling.